Learn More about Maturity: Unravel the Quiz Answers

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Why Should You Laugh at Yourself?

" Old fisherman on boat in Florø, Norway." Photo by redcharlie on Unsplash
" Old fisherman on boat in Florø, Norway." Photo by redcharlie on Unsplash

Laughing at yourself means you accept yourself as you are.

That gives you peace of mind. You no longer need to be on guard to avoid mistakes or constantly worried about what other people think. Instead, you can use that energy for the good of the world.

Laughing at yourself is an expression of warmth and self-love. The time I confused the word circumvent with circumcise. Perhaps, the time you thought a total stranger was an old friend?

Laughing at yourself is also an indicator of confidence.

You cannot be confident if you do not accept yourself as you are. And when you do, you will also accept others as they are. That is why people who take themselves seriously are off-putting and unattractive.

When you laugh at yourself, you make people feel safe and they want to be in your in company.

Here is what the School of Life says about the matter:

“We are idiots now, we have been idiots in the past, and we will be idiots again in the future – and that is OK. There aren’t any other available options for human beings.”

So, stop trying to avoid the unavoidable. 

If you want to read about a time I made a fool of myself:
An Unforgettable Wedding in Laos.

Seek Out Differing Opinions

Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash
Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

Perhaps you rolled your eyes, at the obviousness of the correct answer in the quiz. 

“Of course, I have to seek out differing opinions!” 

However, as obvious as it may seem we are not good at practising it.

Few of us actively seek out what we disagree with. Not even a slightly differing opinion unless it is handed to us on a plate.

Social media gives us what they think we like because that is how we stay hooked. That is how they can make money from us. If you have a variety of TV channels you can click from one to the other and find some opposing views, but few of us do. Because we want to hear what we like to hear. Not that conflicting stuff that forces us to think. 

Furthermore, if presented with opposing views, we tend not to believe them. It does not matter how hard anyone tries to convince us. It can even have the opposite effect: we become even more convinced we were right from the beginning.

To seek out and prefer information that confirms what we already believe is called confirmation bias.

What has confirmation bias got to do with Maturity? 

Confirmation bias makes us prone to believe fake news and conspiracy theories. It makes people stay loyal to demagogues and dictators.

Confirmation bias prevents us from learning. When we stay in our own cosy bubble we think we know enough. While in fact, we know much less than we think we do. We cannot imagine all that is left for us to learn.

You will buy a wrecked second-hand car if you believe that is what all cars are like.

We end up with the wrong leaders, seeking the wrong careers, and living the wrong lives. 

Why Is Beauty a Human Need?

Photo by Secret Travel Guide on Unsplash
Photo by Secret Travel Guide on Unsplash

According to the late psychologist Abraham Maslow, beauty can be regarded as a basic human need.
Beauty, or Aesthetic needs, are included in the revised hierarchy of 8 Human Needs (or motivations) in his book “Motivation and Personality.”
Unfortunately, Maslow only mentions Aesthetic needs briefly, because he admits that little is known about them.
What he mentions is that a craving for beauty can be seen in almost all children. And that at least some grown-ups get sick from ugliness.

Image by the Peak Performance Center
Image by the Peak Performance Center

I can testify that. When I lived in Phnom Penh in Cambodia, I felt the craving for beauty like a physical need. It was like having the flu with an unspecific body ache.

Cambodia is a poor country, but the capital’s ugliness was much more a result of bad planning and bad behaviour.

After some months, I was tired of walking the streets, wading in the garbage, with the whiff of urine in my nostrils, and seeing nothing but soulless buildings.

Phnom Penh. Photo by Vouchim Ton.

That craving for beauty was the main reason the world heritage town of Antigua in Guatemala became my next port of call.

Antigua. Photo by Rodrigo Escalante

What has Maslow's theory on human needs got to do with Maturity?

A human being with unfulfilled basic needs, is, to a large extent, an immature human being.

Conversely, a human being with fulfilled basic needs, such as our need for beauty, is much more able to act maturely.

Why You Should Seek Feedback

Source: 2quotes.net

Self-awareness is at the core of emotional intelligence (EQ).

And self-awareness starts with noticing your emotions. To feel what you feel and ask yourself why. 

-“Do I often end up in situations like this?” 

-“What pushes my buttons?” 

To enhance your self-awareness you need to understand the huge gap between how you see yourself and how others see you. The only way to understand how others see you is to ask.

Few people dare to ask for feedback, and I am no exception. But when I have received feedback, it has been an eye-opener.

At a team-building session in Sweden, people told me that I was typically Norwegian. It had not occurred to me how exotic I appeared, despite coming from a neighbouring country. My unswedish frankness and go-ahead attitude were exceptional features.

If you feel nervous about what you might hear when asking for feedback, remember that the other person may be nervous, too. And he or she is only trying to help.

Without feedback, you will likely end up repeating your own mistakes.

What has Emotional intelligence (EQ) got to do with Maturity? 

Much like Maslow’s theories, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is an important part of Maturity.

If you cannot manage your emotions, you cannot manage yourself. Subsequently, you cannot have good relations with other people. You will have little influence, and you will lead a life in constant battle with yourself and with the world.

Appreciate the Basic Things in Life

Photo by Dorothea Oldani
Photo by Dorothea Oldani

Abraham Maslow described self-actualising as a desire to become everything one is capable of becoming.

It can be everything from being an excellent parent to a great artist.

Maslow’s studies of self-actualising people included Albert Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt.

Self-actualising is a life-long process and not an endgame. 

Among the characteristics of self-actualising people is “to appreciate, again and again,” the basic things in life.

Did you see the sunset yesterday? Or the abundant flower pot? 

Perhaps you saw a dog running after a ball. People at work who greeted you with a smile. The joy of listening to a song you have listened to hundreds of times.

Image by the Peak Performance Center
Image by the Peak Performance Center

The most important source of evil and suffering, is, according to Maslow, NOT being grateful for these everyday blessings.

If we undervalue them we seek to find “blessings” elsewhere. Such as materialism, addictions (including smartphone addiction) and other types of shallowness.

So, it is not just a question of counting your blessings, but counting them over and over again.

What has appreciating basic things in life got to do with Maturity? 

Maslow’s description of self-actualising people gives a profound insight into what Maturity may look like.

Apart from this “fresh appreciation” of the basic things in life,

here are some characteristics of self-actualising people :

They live in reality.

They are not threatened by the unknown.

They do not need to impress others.

They are natural and spontaneous.

They are problem-centred, not ego-centred.

They make up their own minds.

Pushing People Away. An Act of Maturity?

Photo by John O'Nolan on Unsplash
Lofoten, Norway. Picture by John O´Nolan

“Pushing people away is not nice”, you may think,” what has that got to do with Maturity?”

This is what  Kosjenka Muk writes:

“Sometimes the best way to help people is to push them away, not to allow them to cling to us and waste our time and energy. In this way, we help people face themselves …When we set boundaries, we express respect for other people’s strength and responsibility.”

Pushing people away can be a way to show respect.
You respect the other person’s capabilities.

Hence, pushing people away can be an act of Maturity. 

You believe that inside the toddler in front of you, a responsible and grown-up human being exists. 

Think about that the next time you encounter a demanding, ego-centric and entitled human being. Unfortunately, they are not hard to find. 

“I am responsible and able to take care of myself.
You are responsible and able to take care of yourself.” 

People may need help to grow up, sometimes tons of it, but that does not take away their own responsibility.

Regarding the other answer options in the quiz:

To point out flaws in other people:
Holding people to account can be responsible, but only if you ask yourself first what role you played. 

To give people the benefit of the doubt:
That can, of course, be a good thing. You may not know this person yet. He or she has a bad day. But there is never, ever any excuse for bad behaviour. A bad childhood or going through a divorce does not make anyone entitled to special treatment. Mature people have bad days, too. But they apologise and make up for any harm they may cause. 

Sources and Inspiration

That was the end of the mysteries behind the quiz answers.

Continue your journey and start on The Road to Maturity.

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