The purpose of Maturity is to be as useful as you can be.
To add value to others, to the world and ultimately – to yourself.
You do not have to become a self-sacrificing saint to live a more mature and meaningful life. And you shouldn’t. Trying to be a saint is just another form of self-absorption.
But we all want to matter.
Feeling valued and adding value are interdependent. This is a key message in the book ‘How People Matter’ by Isaac and Ora Prilleltensky:
“But mattering is not just about feeling valued. We have a profound need to make a difference in the world.”
Adding value is not a feel-good thing. It is a deep human need.
Detrimental behaviour often stems from a lack of mattering.
Be it shopaholics, workaholics, celebrity culture, addiction or trolling.
Or people turn to activism or religion.
Where it is often more about feeling good than doing good.
It may give people belonging, but also a false sense of mattering, which fuels immature behaviour.
Such as environmental activists throwing soup on a van Gogh picture.
Do you want to matter? Make sure you put effort into adding real value to others.
And the paradox: The more you focus on being useful, the more it will be about you. You will feel valued. Your life will have meaning and a purpose.
I guess you have heard that before. But we all need constant reminders about what is good for us.
In Abraham Maslow’s book ‘Motivation and Personality’ one of his subjects said: “Most people do not amount to much but they could have.”
Do not end up as a “could have.”
“But what exactly should we do? What can little me do?”
A Simple Way to Be Useful
If you don’t know how to be more useful, here is a start:
Do simple acts like looking the cashier in the eye. Smile instead of being absorbed in an unimportant telephone conversation.
I have watched many times, how cashiers shrink or bow their heads in humiliation.
Perhaps your smile is the only one the cashier gets during the day. Perhaps that simple act was the most helpful thing you did during the day.
Being treated as a nobody has a severe impact on a person’s mental and physical well-being, as the Prilleltenskys highlight in ‘How People Matter.’
Make people matter.
And you will matter. Remember that the next time you tend to be occupied with your phone.
“Thanks. I am already doing that (most of the time). But this cannot be the only advice you have to offer, Sissel? What other steps do we need to take to become more Mature?”